Dear Annie, This is How Indiana’s Gay Marriage Ban Will Affect Me

22 Jan

0279

Dear Annie,

While trying to fall asleep tonight, my husband Alex already fast asleep next to me, our dog at our feet, I scanned my feed on Facebook.  After reading several news updates about the 4-5 fatal shootings today in Indianapolis, I found post after post about how Indiana House Speaker Brian Bosma, in a last ditch effort to save his agenda, moved the proposed ban to another committee, where it will be heard on Wednesday.  Interestingly enough, you sent me a message earlier in the day stating, “Peter, I need your help!  I am on the list to possibly testify in front of a house committee for HJR-3.  They haven’t picked me yet, but they are going to ask about any stories I know of people who are married or what not…stories of discrimination or loss they may feel.  I was just wondering if you have anything you want to tell me.”  Well, Annie, since you asked, and I’m happy that you did, this is how I feel.

Before starting, let me explain a typical day in my life.  My husband Alex wakes up and takes the dogs out before leaving for work.  He always wakes me up and kisses me goodbye.  This is something we started long ago, always kissing as we say goodbye, because we never know if it will be the last time we see each other.  We don’t have the same luxuries as some couples.  He goes to work and I usually go back to sleep for a few hours.  I get up, clean the kitchen and get ready for work.  Alex and I run a business together, outside of our “normal” jobs, so by the time I wake up, he has usually already emailed me or texted me several tasks needing completion.  After doing these things, I leave for work, always stopping by Starbucks on the way.  The barista I usually see at Starbucks typically asks me “how are you guys”.  I go to work and meet with my clients.  In discussing relationship problems, I share similar issues Alex and I have had and how we have worked through these relationship issues.  None of my clients have any difficulty comparing their heterosexual marriages to the same details of my marriage.  It is all the same. After work, I call Alex and we either meet for dinner or I attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, having been sober for 19 years.  Sometimes, like tonight, he goes to his mother’s house for dinner and I go out to eat with friends.  Sometimes we go see a movie or catch up on our television shows. Most nights at home are the same; we get ready for bed, turn on the fan and humidifier, set the alarms and show each other funny things we find on our phones, forever addicted to social media.  Tonight we discussed an upcoming trip to Miami and Alex’s haircut.  We discussed what he had for dinner and planned a date for this weekend.  He gave me a kiss goodnight and he turned off his light  This is a typical day in our lives Monday through Friday.

You ask in what ways do I feel I am being discriminated against or in what ways do I feel loss.  When you compare my day to any other husband or wife in the state of Indiana, I would say I don’t deal with much daily discrimination for being gay, other than the random faggot comment at the gas station.  But it sure does feel different when you ask me how I feel about 13 committee members making a decision for my life who have never even met me.  It feels a little bit like a jury vote on a murder trial and I didn’t even commit a crime.  I’m not going to sit and discuss politics and the process of election because that’s not what you asked.  You asked me how I feel discriminated against.

Well Annie, it amazes me that the barista at Starbucks has more courtesy than most of the people sitting on these committees to actually ask me how “we’re” doing.  It amazes me that after 19 years, clean and sober, positively contributing to the community of Indianapolis and as an addictions counselor having helped save the lives of the children of several prominent families in Indianapolis, that I am treated less than some 18 year old, meth addicted, girl who has addicted children and lives off of financial assistance, but I am a poorer role model to the community because I want to marry the “person” I love.  She has the legal right to get married, but I do not.  That’s pretty degrading.  That doesn’t sound like I’m wanted very much in the state of Indiana, does it?

How does it feel? While I’m reading this article about this person Bosma, who I don’t even know, who’s making decision about MY life, it feels like I’m hundreds and hundreds of miles away and I have no affect on the outcome.  Do you know why we kiss before we say goodbye?  Because we know that if we’re hospitalized we don’t have visiting rights unless our families allow it.  We don’t have funeral rights or financial rights.

We have no rights as a couple.

None.

And the really sad part is that all I want to do, is protect the person I love the most.  After all, isn’t that what love is all about?  I just want to grow old with the person I love and know that we can protect each other and our home for the rest of our lives.  But apparently, that’s terrifying to some of these people.

Do you realize that we can’t get a family gym membership together.  Or both be family members at most animal hospitals for our pets.  We don’t file taxes together and we can’t be on the same mortgage except as co-borrowers.  We can’t travel together as family members.  We can’t build credit together as a couple.  We can’t share a last name unless we go through rigorous legal action.  These are just a few examples, but to us, they make a difference.

Interestingly enough, Crate & Barrel, Target and Macy’s had no problem allowing us to register for our wedding.

And as far as this committee hearing, well, they’re going to do what they want anyway, right? Reading comments from me about how I love my husband and that they should respect my feelings  isn’t going to change anything.  But the times they are a’ changin, and they can either change with them or become obsolete. They might possibly be signing their resignations without even realizing it.

I haven’t met these people.  And I don’t care to meet these people.  I don’t want to know their politics and I don’t want to know their religion.  Quite frankly, I don’t want to know anyone who will look back on their life and have one of their proudest, resounding moments being their passing a ban to keep a loving couple apart.  That’s not discrimination; that’s sick.  And why are we more concerned with stopping the marriage of two men or two women than preventing the plethora of daily shootings in our state? What is wrong with this picture. 

We were married August 25th, 2011.  After getting married, we got a lot of flack from people in the gay community that we weren’t willing to wait for a state ruling on same-sex marriage.  This is exactly why we refused to wait.  Because, to us, anyone can have a wedding, but not everyone can have a marriage.

We have a marriage. 

Of all of the times in my entire life that I have been called names, beaten and degraded, and there are have been thousands,  justifying my right for marriage is the most degrading and discriminating thing that has ever happened in my life. The state of Indiana should be ashamed for not being part of the upward movement in our country.  This is a proud moment for not only the United States, but the world.  Indiana can be with it, or against it.

When I was younger, and called derogatory names, my mother would tell me, “When you walk down the street, hold your head up high and refuse to be a victim of their oppression”. Today I hold my head up high.  And so, after all, I haven’t lost anything.  It is the State of Indiana that will have lost.  Time will roll on and gay marriage will be accepted in every state in this nation; of that I am sure.  Any historian will tell you that history repeats itself and we are on the precipice of one of the biggest civil and human rights moments in history.  What have we learned from our past? The question is simply do you want to drive against the grain or float with the river.

I think I’ll choose to hang out on the raft with my husband.

Shalom,

Peter

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290 Responses to “Dear Annie, This is How Indiana’s Gay Marriage Ban Will Affect Me”

  1. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 11:26 am #

    I hope everyone can find the happiness and love you and your husband have for each other. Its rare and Indiana needs to get with the times.

  2. Dubonius January 23, 2014 at 11:32 am #

    Excellent read. Hope your marriage is recognized by the state sooner rather than later. The good news is that the 18-40 crowd agrees regardless of political affiliation. It will happen! Until then, enjoy your float!

  3. mjn January 23, 2014 at 11:32 am #

    I’m the mother, sister, aunt and friend of gay men and women. I raised two sons, one gay and one heterosexual; my love and respect is deep and strong for both of them and their families! I treat my niece and/or nephew no differently than their straight siblings. My gay friends are some of the most caring, wonderful, thoughtful people in my life. I’ve been married more than one time (to a man) and have not shared the love, honesty, and togetherness that most gay couples I know share. It’s time to say “couple” not “gay couple or straight couple!!” All couples need to be treated equally and fairly!

  4. paula January 23, 2014 at 11:47 am #

    I was very moved by this letter. But there was something key in there I wanted to inform you of. The hospitalization issue. You absolutely have control over who has a right to make decisions for you. I wd suggest a health care power of attorney for you and your spouse. Most hospitals have info on this. Have a great day. And God bless you.

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 6:57 pm #

      hospitals routinely defer decision making to next of kin regardless of advanced directives or powers of attorney. Its cheaper to be sued by someone with a POA than a family.

      • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 10:34 pm #

        Hospitals HAVE to honor HCPOA, they are not allowed to “defer” to next of kin

      • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 10:43 pm #

        http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=12642543 that took all of 2 seconds of google, nimrod.

    • John S. Guthrie April 20, 2014 at 12:11 pm #

      Paula, you are totally wrong. Not to long ago, there was a case here in Florida where a couple had a hospital directive but a nurse outright refused a woman’s wife and children to see her or make decisions. The nurse totally ignored it. The patient was dying. Think how the children felt. Another case awhile ago in MO or MS there was another case of two men who had been together for over 25 years. One died and left his farm to his partner in his will. A cousin who hadn’t spoke to him in years just because he was gay shopped a judge and got the will thrown out. The partner lost everything that they had built over the 25 years. Until we have the same rights as everyone else, this will continue.

  5. Janet Mitchell January 23, 2014 at 12:32 pm #

    I am so sorry for all of the discrumination that you have experienced here. As a lawyer who worked hard in Indiana to change some of what you’re saying–you now have the right to appoint your husband as your healthcare representative and visitor, as well as the right to sign a power of attorney that lasts beyond death for funerals. I hope these gains won’t be wiped out with the wave of conservatism that would come with a constitutional amendment.

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:16 pm #

      These can easily be fought by immediate family members, who usually win and are not protected in every state.

  6. Sarah Kissel January 23, 2014 at 12:47 pm #

    I don’t know you, but I love you. Thanks for taking the time to share your story; it brings me so much joy to see people living happy successful lives in the face of adversity – it means the bullies aren’t winning! May we always spread love.

  7. Tracy January 23, 2014 at 12:51 pm #

    So glad my cousin shared your story. I’m normally proud to call myself a Hoosier but not these days. How anyone can argue religious freedom (as I’ve read supporters of the ban doing) by ramming THEIR religious view down the throats of others is completely beyond me. Why we should treat people any differently because of race, creed, color, sexual orientation or anything else also escapes my comprehension. I was raised Christian with the first principle being, DON’T JUDGE OTHERS…so sad that we have not only forgotten that simple rule but gone beyond to keeping others from happiness. BRAVO to you for your courage and honesty…I hope my marriage continues to be as wonderful as yours with Alex. No matter the outcome of the vote, please know that so many Hoosiers want ALL Hoosiers to have the same rights and protections, especially when it comes to LOVE ❤

  8. Kristi January 23, 2014 at 12:58 pm #

    I’m another Hoosier born and raised, currently living in Illinois where I’m looking forward to my gay and lesbian friends being able to marry after June 1. All of my family and a big piece of my heart are still back in Indiana, and it’s agonizing to see the state I love standing for hate and bigotry over freedom and justice. I wish I could be there supporting everyone standing against HJR-3, but I send all of my love and hope from Illinois that someday my home state will join us in the 21st century.

  9. Shawn Miller January 23, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

    Excellent. One never really hears this much depth toward the issue and on such an extremely personal level. Thank you for sharing, I’ll be sure to refer anyone I can to it.

  10. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 1:28 pm #

    I am a supportive mother of a daughter that has just come out. She is almost 19 and has her whole life ahead of her. I have been sadden by the fact at first I thought I would not see her have a “wedding”. But you know, after reading about how your life plays out on a day to day basis, I have hope. I told her when she first told me, I will love you for you, not who you love. I will love who you love because you love them. Whether that be male or female. I have to admit, I used to skim over the gay rights issues but now it hits home because I am a mother and only want the best for my daughter. Thanks again for letter. It brought much insight to a mother who only wants to support her daughter.

  11. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 1:29 pm #

    i dont feel like people should have to vote on this. being gay is a sin. you have a choice. God is that the only judge but people can clearly see that this is wrong and i shouldnt have to vote for you to have rights. you know whats right and wrong and this is clearly wrong

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 7:00 pm #

      so is premarital sex and masturbation, if you’re going by that measure. Not to mention cheeseburgers, pop corn shrimp. Lying about your virginity is a capital offense.You can’t legislate your morality. Next time you choose to be ignorant, at least own up to it and sign your name to it

    • Mollie January 23, 2014 at 7:10 pm #

      I agree with Matt. God doesn’t like hate either. Be a jerk someplace else.

    • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 8:49 pm #

      At what age exactly did you choose to be straight???

      • pamonn January 23, 2014 at 9:01 pm #

        Favorite comment of the day!

    • Chris January 23, 2014 at 8:56 pm #

      So, what age exactly did you choose to be straight???

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:22 pm #

      Anon, firstly, what religion is it a sin in? I am an atheist and follow no religious guidelines and I can still get married because of my straight privilege.

      Also, if you are referring to the Christian Bible, then being gay is only as sinful as playing football, wearing blended materials (which most brides and grooms wear to their weddings, in point of fact, or shaving one’s beard.

      Also, the sin of Sodom and Gommorah was actually greed and neglecting the poor or oppressed. So neglecting the rights of people of all sexual orientations is actually much more sinful in an Old Testament context.

      Regardless, even if you believe it to be a sin, there are lots of things some religious people consider sinful which are perfectly legal and legally condoned and encouraged.

      The law and legal protections are for ALL people, regardless of religion or lack thereof.

      It’s become an internet meme but it’s true. Saying gay people shouldn’t get married because it’s against your religion is as ridiculous as forbidding someone from eating ice cream just because *you’re* on a diet.

    • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 9:25 pm #

      You can’t just pick and choose when and where to apply the bible… What about tattoos? How about divorce rates in this state and country? Pretty sure that’s not endorsed by the “good book”. All or none, bottom line, an it should be none. Separation of church and state… Also, besides the bible, in what way would this even adversely affect you?

    • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 11:07 pm #

      I totally AGREE with you. What is so wrong about being moral, and doing things God’s way???????

      • John S. Guthrie April 20, 2014 at 11:54 am #

        Anonymous, another coward, read my other comment here. Do you to think you should stone your kids to death if they misbehave? The Bible says you should. You can not pick and choose your verses. If you use one, you have to use all. There’s a word for you. Hypocrite.

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 2:05 pm #

      God wants Peter to feel like less of a person because he loves someone so much he wants to pledge his life long devotion to him? You are missing the whole Damn point, Sir. God is nothing if not all-loving. These interpretations of the the Bible are flawed interpretations of men. I feel God in my heart. If you listen to yours you will realize God is not in favor of you judging or deciding who is equal.

    • John S. Guthrie April 20, 2014 at 11:48 am #

      Anonymous, (who is to cowardly to actually post a name), as someone said, “when did you choose to be straight?” Secondly, you do not get to pick and choose which verses of the Bible you get to follow. Leviticus also says that eating pork, ham, bacon, shrimp, lobster, clams, crabs or oysters is a sin. Do you still enjoy your bacon for breakfast? How about your shrimp cocktail and ham for Easter? Another book says that you should stone your children to death if they misbehave. Do you think that’s a good idea? I assume you call yourself a Christian. Do you know that Jesus NEVER said one word about it? So guess what!! You are NOT a Christian!! If you are going to use the Bible, you should really know what the hell you’re talking about. Until then, shut your uneducated mouth.

  12. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 1:34 pm #

    NEXT THING YOU KNOW WE’LL MAKE PEDOPHILIA LEGAL, TOO! IT’S WRONG FOR US TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THOSE WHO JUST WANT TO LOVE CHILDREN, RIGHT?

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 7:05 pm #

      I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re not trolling. There is only one difference between homosexuality and pedophilia, and its not even a very big difference. Gay relationships are between consenting adults with the capacity and faculties to make such choices. Pedophiliac relationships are between predatory and severely ill adults and their victims. Lots of people are already doing a great job of protecting the right of pedophiles– most of the catholic church, there’s that town in Iowa who didnt press charges against that evangelical youth pastor who had a massive cache of baby rape porn… to name a few.

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:26 pm #

      Hi there, All Caps. I realize you are probably trolling, but the difference between rape (which is what pedophiles do) and sex (which is what consenting adults do), is just that: CONSENT. As in two adults who have the competency to consent (are not intoxicated, or mentally incapacitated to an extreme point).

      Also, comparing child-rape to a loving relationship is frakking sick and you probably should get help since you make that mistake so easily and could possibly harm someone.

    • Angie January 24, 2014 at 3:51 pm #

      You do realize that plenty of straight people are pedophiles too, right?

  13. Tisha Nagel (@quiltytherapy) January 23, 2014 at 1:44 pm #

    Peter, thank you for sharing your story. My heart hurt reading your story. Many of my friends and family plan on rejecting this amendment. It’s absurd to think that your marriage is any different from mine or anyone else’s. You have to work hard to maintain that relationship, keep it up. While some in this state may not support you, there are plenty that do.

    I gained two brother-in-laws from my marriage. One is blood and the other is his fiance. It has not been easy explaining to my extremely conservative Indiana family why I support them. They live in a state that supports same sex marriage and will be marrying this year. I am over the moon that my brother-in-laws will have the same protection as my marriage. We had a family emergency a couple of years ago and something became very clear to me. Until same sex marriage is allowed I have more rights to my brother-in-law than his fiance in the event of a medical emergency. How scary and ass backwards is that? Oh wait you know.

    There are many more important topics to be discussed in our state house than what happens in your marriage. We may never meet but know that I’m doing my best to support you.

  14. Uncharted January 23, 2014 at 1:59 pm #

    This post is moving. Thank you for sharing your life experiences (good and bad) and the love you and your husband have together. What a love it is! Love is love, gay or straight, and that strong love that you expressed between you and your husband here is what you need to hold onto during these times of change.

  15. michelle January 23, 2014 at 2:00 pm #

    I do hope you two have taken legal steps to protect your ability to help each other in sickness and death. Giving each other power of attorney under any circumstances would certainly give you some protections and rights otherwise denied. Yes, it is an extra step but it will help have the person you want to make decisions for you to be able to do so should something happen.

  16. Teri January 23, 2014 at 2:04 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I don’t always see eye to eye on this subject, but he also is not the kind of person to be calling folks names over their choice in partners, and he is never disrespectful to my friends that are gay, to which I am thankful. Even he can see that their sexual orientaion does not affect their character, and it is truely sad to see that of ALL the problems in our state, our country, and the world, that people are still afraid of same sex marriage. Altho, I feel helpless in this fight, like you said these 13 ignorant people are going to do what they are going to do and hundreds of miles away, what can we as individuals actually do? hurmph. I’m sure you have heard the song, “Same Love” by Macklemore , this song gives me hope for same sex marriage, if someone of his noteriety can speak out and heard by millions and played on radio stations such as U93, their is hope.
    Much Love.

  17. Sandra Dee January 23, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

    Our kids will look back on this time and wonder what all the commotion was about. The other day my 4 year old told me she didn’t want to get married when she grew up. I said, that’s fine, you don’t have to get married. She replied with, “Ya, I don’t want a husband or a wife when I get bigger!” LOL. Okay.

    • pamonn January 23, 2014 at 6:57 pm #

      I love that! And so true!

  18. donna padrick January 23, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

    Love is Love!! Your letter touched my heart and my soul! Peace be with you and know your loved by many and your day will come…..we are fighting for you! Keep smiling, loving and being YOU!! That is so important to the world.

  19. Mark Linenberg January 23, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

    I understand why you did not wait for your state to recognize your marriage to get married. My husband of almost four years and I went to Toronto from Chicago to get married. We did not know whether or not our marriage would be recognized by the country we live in, or the state, for that matter. We did it as a symbol of the depth and commitment of our relationship. At the time, my husband had been transferred to Germany, and there was a very real possibility that it might be permanent, and I would then be moving as well. Germany does not recognize gay marriage, but the European Union does, so it would have made things easier. As it turned out, he transferred back to the states, and to Chicago. We are overjoyed that the feds now recognize our marriage, as does our state. We always take a copy of our Marriage certificate with us when we travel, plus powers of attorney for health etc.. Congratulations on your marriage, sir! I hope that your state is at the forefront, and does not have to be drawn into the 22nd century by the courts. No family, gay or straight, should be left out of the legal protections and community recognition afforded by a legally sanctioned marriage.

  20. Chef Dan's January 23, 2014 at 2:55 pm #

    Until 1965, marriage in Indiana was a special union between a white man and a white woman. So my husband and I could not have been legally married either. He’s black and I’m white. So history will repeat itself and set itself right eventually on this civil rights issue if not this time around. Until then I can tell you know that AA holds the solution to ALL of our problems. This too, as hard as that seems. Nonetheless, I think the dissenters above should spend some time asking God to relieve the hate in their heart. Thanks so much for sharing.

  21. Mollie January 23, 2014 at 3:04 pm #

    There is beauty in the world and you have contributed to bettering the lives of millions, including mine. Thank you for being so generous in sharing your story. It is something that everyone should read and in hopes that they might reconsider everything they value and hold dear and what life would be like if those things were taken from them. Too many take their freedoms for granted and it saddens me that there seems to be little to no rationale when it comes to our state representatives making the decisions that also affect the lives of millions. If I could be granted one wish, it would be for EVERYONE to take a deep breath and really give consideration to the true meaning of the word ‘love’ (especially those who ‘have the power’ to make positive change). I don’t know you, but I love you and I admire your honesty and strength. I am thankful our paths have crossed, even if it is just over a Facebook post. Take good care and I hope you guys have a great day.

  22. Rick January 23, 2014 at 3:15 pm #

    Hello, Peter!

    I’d like to preface my comments by being upfront. I’m an Indiana resident and I’m also a Christian. I believe homosexuality is a sin.

    Having said that, first I want to apologize for the rude and awful comments from those on here who are professing to be Christians. When Christ was condemning people during his time on earth, it was those people he was loudest and boldest in speaking against. There is no place for that and those who do not have love in their heart for their neighbors does not know Christ.

    Regarding the issue at hand, here is my problem with “gay” marriage: What happens when your rights trump the rights of someone else? Is that “right”? Say a pastor of a church does not want to perform a marriage for a homosexual couple, should he be forced to do so? What happens when a company, say Hobby Lobby or Chick-Fil-A, does not want to spend the money they earned for something their beliefs do not allow like providing benefits to homosexual spouses. Would that not be within their right to do so? What about a wedding photographer who has strong religious convictions against working for a homosexual couple? Should they be forced against their morals to do so? Why does your rights trump their rights?

    Here is my proposal:Get the government out of marriage all together. Why should the government have any say at all over who can and who can’t get married? Businesses and organizations can decide for themselves whether to support it or not. Then the market can decide if they wish to support businesses either for or against without anyone being forced against their will either way. Aren’t all rights important? Aren’t my rights as important as yours? I believe yours are as important as mine.

    One final thought that I always bring up when this topic comes up: If you have to ask permission, you aren’t free.

    Rick

    • Alex Paredes (@alxprp) January 23, 2014 at 7:39 pm #

      Hi Rick,
      I think that your comment is great and very defending of your side without shoving hate or anger towards people that have no affect on your life. Thank you for the way you spoke.

      About rights “trumping” rights… that’s not really possible. I mean why would someone who’s homosexual want to work at a place that doesn’t give them benefits? Hobby Lobby and Chick-Fil-A are private companies and the only ones they have to answer to are their own owners. Private companies don’t have the same “rules” as public ones.

      If a pastor doesn’t want to perform my wedding, then he’s obviously the wrong choice for what should be the happiest moment in my life. Why would anyone want to force anyone to do something they don’t want to do? Human rights don’t trump human rights… they’re all the same and so are all humans.

      Again, your comment displays tolerance and that’s what matters. I don’t agree with a lot of the things people do or believe in, but I’m not one to tell them to stop or judge them. It’s their life not mine.

      Cheers

      • Rick January 23, 2014 at 9:56 pm #

        Thanks, Alex. I had hoped my comment would come across that way. Christianity would not be in the shape it is in today if those who called themselves Christians would take the words of Jesus to heart when he said “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

        Sounds pretty simple to me. 🙂

    • Edub January 23, 2014 at 7:52 pm #

      The government is involved in marriage because of taxes and health care. You can’t take that out of the equation, so you must let all consenting and of legal age couples be able to marry the person they want to be with, because no matter what, government has a role in marriage.

      • Rick January 23, 2014 at 10:00 pm #

        Edub,

        I disagree that you cannot take those out of the equation. Abolish our insane tax system we have now and replace it with either a flat tax or a national sales tax. Now marriage doesn’t matter.

        Health care, the government should not be involved in any way, shape or form. It is because of government that health care is in the state it is in.

        When the government is out of our lives, you can marry who you want without asking for permission from our government.

        Once again, if you have to ask for permission, you are not free.

        Rick

    • John January 23, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

      First off, you can’t take government out of marriage; marriage is a civil institution that was hijacked by religion. Many people marry without any religious involvement whatsoever.

      Giving gay and lesbian citizens the same basic rights as heterosexual couples will not infringe on the rights of those who choose not to support them. I’m sure that kind of thing still happens when mixed race couples want to marry. Everyone has the right to say “no thank you” when someone requests their services. If I choose to marry my partner and I find that the photographer does not want to work for us, I will find someone else. No one will be forced to do anything except honor the legal marriage of two people who love each other.

      And I do agree with Alex….why would anyone choose to work for a company that they know discriminates against them? I choose not to support those businesses, and I would never work for any of them.

      Your arguments, while civil and well stated, are really invalid. However you are correct about one thing: we, as gay and lesbian citizens, are not free, and yes, we do have to ask permission to be able to marry. That is what we are fighting for. When we win the fight, we will be free and able to choose the right person to spend the rest of our lives with, just like you can.

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 12:00 am #

      As a professional photographer I do not have to take on a job that i don’t agree with. In 15 years of shooting weddings etc, no one has ever forced me to take a shoot. I agree it is not for anyone to judge what others do, we all fall short of the glory of God. We are not Him. Companies shouldn’t be able to descriminate against anyone for their lifestyle or their private life, but they do have a choice of who they hire. I am a Christian, and I see that the bible intends for marriage to be between a man and a woman, but it is not for me to decide what anyone does except for myself. (Which is another story all together-going through a divorce from an abusive, cheating spouse and will probably never take the plunge again). The bible also doesn’t want divorce, but then if someone has been unfaithful or abusive, then it makes an exception. I just really don’t see that gay marriage hurts anyone. There are much bigger fish to fry like murderers, child abusers, theives, and lunatic campus shooting incidents that are truly compromising our freedoms and security. Let people be. Happy for you Peter that you are happy with Alex. mhaw!

    • Ted Laun January 24, 2014 at 9:54 am #

      The thing you have to consider is that marriage is a legal term, that appears in thousands of laws and policies. When has a paster ever been forced to marry anyone?

  23. Lara Green January 23, 2014 at 3:22 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, I don’t think enough people in the world understand what others go through everyday. I myself am straight and am planning to marry my boyfriend in 3 years and it truly saddens me that not everyone has that right, cause it is a basic human right, Love. People talk about how children (and adults alike) need food and water and shelter and to be LOVED but some people sitting in a room are deciding that just because of your sexual orientation that you are to be denied love? I can’t find any logical reasoning behind that and it makes me sick that there are people who can make those decisions without a second thought on what they are doing to peoples lives. As far as I am concerned they are wrong and I want you to know that regardless of their decision there will always be those who will support and love you and your husband for who you are. Lots of LOVE and support all the way from lil old New Zealand 🙂

  24. Tiz January 23, 2014 at 3:55 pm #

    You had me at Shalom. (Not really true…I’ve been on the open-minded side since I was born!)

  25. tekeisha bousum January 23, 2014 at 4:24 pm #

    His message is powerful. I give the utmost respect to him. Thank u so much for sharing with us. I respect the life u are living..the same way i respect the lives of my parents..who are heterosexual. I hope and pray one day the closed minds open up. That we realize we all deserve the same love and respect..regardless of our preferences. One love.

  26. Nick January 23, 2014 at 4:50 pm #

    Here’s my question on the issue. It might be different for you and yours than other couples in America, but would it be ok (with you) if gay people were allowed to be wed and get all of the benefits of married people in America, but they just called it something else other than being “married”? I feel like here in lies the problem and the disagreement with all sides. Marriage is an institution of the church, as far as I know. So why want to share in their ritual? I am not Jewish, and I don’t want to go through Jewish practices, so I choose not to. It’s not offensive to me at all, just a choice. Would it be enough if gays DID get all the benefits and perks of a marriage and then just had it called something else so all of the excessive religious people can still say “marriage” is for heterosexual people only as it claims in the bible? I’m a fellow Hoosier and I feel badly for you and your husband as well as others, but I can also understand why the bible thumpers want it to stay the way it is, as it is their religious traditions and they don’t want them altered either. Interested in your opinion!
    Peace

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 7:10 pm #

      since when is marriage an institution of the church? it predates the church by thousands of years and is ubiquitous in all cultures.

      • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 9:31 pm #

        Marriage is mentioned throughout the Old Testament. Although sacrament (and therefore marriage as a sacrament) wasn’t developed as a technical term in the Church until later, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t begin as a religious practice. I think most Christians believe that marriage began with Adam, Eve, and God.

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:31 pm #

      Nick, marriage has existed and currently exists in the US as a non-religious legal right.

      I am an atheist and I could get married to my partner right now if I wanted. All I would have to do is go to the County Clerk.

      My atheist friends who are married are still considered to be married even by their devoutly religious friends.

      Yes, a lot of religious groups perform marriages, but you do not need a preacher or approval of any church or member of the clergy to be married.

      I don’t think anybody wants to force a pastor to wed a gay couple against that pastor’s will, but some members of his flock and the public at large may eventually think he’s a jerk for not doing it.

      When it comes to businesses, it depends. You cannot refuse service to people of different races, so if sexual orientation becomes a protected class (as it is in some areas) then yes, refusing to serve them would be illegal.

    • Ted Laun January 24, 2014 at 9:57 am #

      It is important that same-sex couples are allowed to marry, because the legal term Marriage is used in thousands of laws and policies. Why don’t some Christians get it that there is a difference between being married in the church and being legally married?

  27. Jay January 23, 2014 at 4:54 pm #

    Dear Annie, There is no such thing as gay marriage. That is a fact that gets so many people twisted over this issue. Words have meaning. They have definitions. Marriage is between a man and a woman. No one can change that. Even if legalized as “gay marriage”, it will be “gay marriage” (which is a civil union) and marriage that we all grew up knowing and understanding. Words have meaning…and this word has special meaning to many people. It has special meaning to married people who don’t agree with the current agenda of changing a word’s meaning, and it has much more meaning to those who find the origins of this beloved institution in the Holy Bible as the spiritual and physical union of one man and one woman, as Christ is married to His church. This is where marriage we observe today comes from. In the old testament, a man may have had several wives, much like a civil union. He may have had both wives and concubines, but no marriage. Marriage is a union between one man and one woman. I believe many who currently oppose gay marriage may support a civil union law that addresses the issues that proponents of gay marriage say they are after. Christians may support this out of fairness or love for their fellow man, the same who will never support gay marriage. You can’t wipe away heartfelt religious beliefs with the stroke of a pen. I would also suggest that if the agenda advocates were completely honest with us and themselves, they would opt for a different strategy of seeking a legal civil union that would put them on equal legal footing, rather than stab at the hearts of so many who hold the meaning and institution of marriage as sacred. It is a sacrament in the church! An attempt to alter this looks more like retribution for those who believe that homosexuality is a sin, and less like an issue of fairness. We will soon see what it indeed is.

    • Nancy Kalis January 23, 2014 at 7:16 pm #

      Following your logic, people of faiths who don’t follow “the Holy Bible” cannot be married either. I am mortified that people are making this a battle of semantics.

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:33 pm #

      Again, plenty of my atheist friends are married to other atheists and everybody (including super-religious types) still respect their marriage license and their wedding rings.

      Religious people at my place of work still refer to my atheist coworker’s husband as her husband. Because he is, legally.

      • RMk January 24, 2014 at 9:38 am #

        If non-athiests recognize you as married, that really means nothing in the end. Big deal. I think I understand the point Jay is making. Answer his question, why not just come up with a form of legal union that has the same legalities as a marriage? The ability to recognize each other as family and have the same privileges (these are not rights. Rights are given to us by God… the right to breathe, the right to life, the right of free will…) as a married couple when it comes to money and hospitalization for an example. It doesn’t have to be this difficult. I do believe it’s more of an attack on Christian beliefs and God’s Word than anything else. And it’s just another piece of the political games the government pits against it’s people. Satan’s goal is to divide and conquer, and this is one of many ways to keep people divided. We all need to wake up to the big picture. It’s not about gay’s v.s. straights, but the government and media turns it into that. Every straight person I know has no problem what someone else is doing in their personal lives. We stay concerned with our own individual lives and that’s all we can do… while still loving our neighbors.

  28. Phillip Murray January 23, 2014 at 5:01 pm #

    If people don’t like Indiana they have a right to leave. I hope Indiana KEEPS the gay marriage ban. I don’t hate gays – I am not a gay basher and I am not “afraid” of them. I just don’t agree with their lifestyle and hope it stays away from Indiana.

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 7:15 pm #

      Interesting logical gymnastics. On the flip side, if people are citizens of Indiana and they don’t want to move, they have a right not to. They also have the right to decide who they love and who they marry and make a life with. The one thing they don’t have a choice over is their innate sexual orientation. What about their lifestyle do you disagree with? Working jobs? Paying taxes? Volunteering in the community? The only different thing between gay people and anyone else is what they do in the bedroom. I personally don’t want anyone to have an opinion on my sex life, do you?

      • Emily January 23, 2014 at 9:12 pm #

        I can’t stand anyone who uses “lifestyle”. A lifestyle is how you choose to spend money, what hobbies you do, what you wear for shoes. Being gay is not a lifestyle you change when you shower. It is a life.

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:35 pm #

      Phill, it’s okay. When gay marriage is legalized everywhere I promise nobody will force you to marry someone you don’t want to.

      Your beliefs and religion do not get to dictate the lives and behavior of others.

      Just as I, an atheist, can get married in five minutes flat with a small license fee and my local courthouse.

      If someone gets married in the church, but nobody signs the marriage license, those people who are trying to get married will not have any of the protections of marriage in this country.

      • RMk January 24, 2014 at 9:46 am #

        When did Phil mention religion?

  29. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 5:18 pm #

    You hold your head high baby, because come judgement day, even those throwing God’s opinions and their own beliefs will have to come face to face with him or her themselves!! I am a Christian, however I believe the verse “Let ye without sin cast the first stone”, followed closely by “Judge not, lest ye be judged” should be utilized a bit more in “Christians'” lives. I have a son that is gay, and I have always and will always be the proudest of the man he has become. That man has held up through adversity, trials and many struggles, and is a better person because of those. Thank you for allowing us to see into your normal day as a normal couple!

  30. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 5:28 pm #

    Enjoyed reading this. It is very important for people to understand how personal this is.
    Here is something that bothers me though, I would be considered on the other side of the debate for reasons we don’t need to get into. But I know and am friends with gay people. I have real relationships with them. I love those people. Why would you not want to have a relationship with me? It begins to feel discrimatory and closed minded to be so against even meeting the people who are on the other side. I understand you are taking specifically about those trying to pass this and not just random me who would agree with them, but it feels the same nonetheless.

    • Nancy Kalis January 23, 2014 at 7:19 pm #

      You say “I love ‘those people'”. What does that even mean? Are you trying to convince others that you are open-minded, while all the time refusing to comment using your name?

    • niurtarow January 23, 2014 at 9:37 pm #

      By saying you love “those” people, you have inadvertently made your deeper opinions perfectly clear. People are people. There is no such thing as “those” people or “these” people. If we are all created equal, there is no “us” and “them”. There is only us.

  31. Mandy January 23, 2014 at 5:31 pm #

    I’m in a committed lesbian relationship and we both always feel like if our relationship were like many straight marriages we know, we wouldn’t have one! Some work, some don’t but it has nothing to do with the gender of each person. It’s the amount of dedication and work each couple is willing to put in. Who has any right to decide a same sex couple cannot be married? Isn’t it interesting that if we used some of their same arguments as to what a true marriage looks like, many straight couples wouldn’t make the matrimony cut! Well written blog and many blessings and best wishes to you and your hubby 🙂

  32. LN January 23, 2014 at 5:32 pm #

    Wow really? Marriage is something created by God! When He created man kind He didn’t make a man and then another man from his rib and he didn’t make a women and another women from her rib! He created one MAN and one WOMEN! The bible says that homosexuality is an abomination. God does not hate the sinner but He does hate sin, including homosexuality. Just because Indiana bans gay marriage does not make it behind times. I get tired of hearing of people being called homophobics just because they don’t agree with gay marriage. Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean you hate them! I have a cousin that is a lesbian and i don’t agree with her lifestyle but I still love her! I’m so tired of people being babies now a days and saying well they said they don’t like what I’m doing or they don’t like my lifestyle so they don’t like me. That is not the case. God loves everyone and being a Christian we are to be Christ like, that means we should love everyone too. That doesn’t mean that we should throw our beliefs aside to prove to someone that we like them! I don’t have to agree with you to like you!

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 7:20 pm #

      Christ never said anything about anyone’s sexuality or who they could and couldn’t love. You can scour Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and not come up with a single example. He did however consort with and embrace those who were ostracized by the ruling religious order. He also had really nasty things to say about those who were in the ruling religious order.

      • RMk January 24, 2014 at 9:52 am #

        Matt, Christ also followed God’s instructions. He paid the penalty for our sins… that doesn’t change the fact that sin is sin. As Christians, I believe the bible tells us we should not point our each others sins but instead be focused on our own as individuals. However… when it’s asked of us, if we answer what we believe, then we should not be looked down upon either. And it’s ALWAYS being asked of Christians or accused.

    • VapRhap January 23, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

      LN, marriage is not just for Christians. It’s been around MUCH longer than Christianity.

      – An atheist who can get legally married (and call it ‘marriage) without any clergy, religion, god or church involved

  33. Nanette West January 23, 2014 at 5:34 pm #

    That letter says it all !!
    I totally agree it’s sad that some people can’t understand something different from what they think they know everything about… When in reality know nothing

  34. Tracy January 23, 2014 at 5:37 pm #

    Are you people kidding me. Gay’s should have no rights at all. I know as a Christian that I do not want gays to have the same rights as me and my husband. It is against God’s will in every way. Wake up people!

    • Matt Smith January 23, 2014 at 7:21 pm #

      You must be a profoundly unhappy person

    • lisamthomas8 January 23, 2014 at 7:56 pm #

      Because it totally affects your miserable life, right ? I highly doubt it. You wake up, and realize that you’re not a Christian, at all.

    • Beth January 23, 2014 at 8:38 pm #

      I was happily partnered for 27 years, but lost my spouse to cancer in 2010. Grief nearly ended me, but with God’s love and strength, my supportive family, and the help of my church pastors and friends, I have managed to weather the darkness and arrive on the otherside filled with hope, again. God IS love, and love is never wrong.

    • Emily January 23, 2014 at 9:18 pm #

      Tracy, when Christ gave his life, did he do it for you to pass on hate and condemnation? Gods will is not hate, it is love for your neighbor and ALL of his children. I think you are walking with the devil, my dear. Tread slowly and with caution because you are not walking the path of Christ, who loves unconditionally.

    • Lainna January 23, 2014 at 9:56 pm #

      Tracy, I don’t know what kind of god you pray to..but my G-d is an all loving god who created everyone in his image. You should keep your hateful words and thoughts out of Gd’s mouth.

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 11:46 am #

      You Are ridiculous. Shame On You.

  35. bzarcher January 23, 2014 at 5:53 pm #

    I’ve been married to my wife for a lot less time than you have to your husband, but I see the ways we share our love for each other in a lot of the same things you do.

    You deserve to be recognized and praised for what you’ve been to each other.

    I’m just as frustrated that a small group of bigots is keeping Ohio from allowing same sex marriage as well, but there’s some legal battles coming up that give me hope.

    I hope all of our battles end soon.

  36. Rochelle January 23, 2014 at 6:24 pm #

    Wonderful job on this! Thank you so much for writing it. I grew up in Indiana along with my gay sister. She didn’t come out until moving to California and I understand why. Indiana, please wake up to reality. Don’t hit the snooze button on human rights for 10 years like you usually do.

  37. Melissa January 23, 2014 at 6:37 pm #

    This brought me to tears. Tzedek tzedek turdof. You are right that the arch of history is bending towards full equality, but it hurts my heart that the little things that make up a domestic partnership are denied to you. If people could think about the little things that are taken for granted in a marriage (for real, gym membership?) and how that is denied to gay couples. Marriage is hard enough even with the perks. Just ask the straights with their 50% divorce rate. May g-d carry you from strength to strength.

  38. Adam January 23, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

    In 20 years, the current crop of vonservative “leadership” will look back at this time period with shame in their hearts. Just as, I hope, the people who didn’t want African Americans, or even women to vote do looking backwards now. They think they’re right, but they’re wrong. Only the passage of time will make that clear to them!

  39. sherry ungemach (@smiley_sherry) January 23, 2014 at 7:03 pm #

    read your bible, it tells in there why the state is banning Gay marriage, plus the rainbow is a sign from god has his promise to the people that he would not floor his world. wake up people and listen to God!

    • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 7:40 pm #

      Yes read your bible. Thou shall not judge and all things are possible if your believe (book of mark)
      I believe in love, and all of you “Christians” believe in hate.
      Peter I am so sorry for all the ignorance brought to your page.

    • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 8:03 pm #

      I love how Christians assume everyone is Christian and should follow their doctrine. Backward… unbending… superstition. Sheeple.

  40. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 8:24 pm #

    The trouble I have with your post is your argument that the committee members deciding this don’t know your story and supposedly don’t care. But you refuse to know theirs and care about them. It seems a bit hypocritical. I think it’s important to understand that they have the burden of making a very large decision that is supposed to represent all the people in the state. I would say I feel empathetic for these people, for they will receive hate and anger either way they vote. If you so desire for your story to matter to those who don’t agree with you… perhaps you ought to start caring about the stories of those who you don’t agree with. To quote MJ “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change”

    • pamonn January 23, 2014 at 9:00 pm #

      The people on the committee are “representatives” of the people. I don’t want to be nasty by suggesting that you need a recourse in US Government, but…you need a recourse in US Government. I do not need to know their lives. I don’t care about their lives. Most I didn’t even have a chance to vote for if they weren’t in my voting district. What you’re saying is that we’re on even playing ground. Fine. Then have the committee made up of an even number of gay supportive and non-gay supportive members and allow it to go to vote, not changing the committee in the last moment as Bosma did. It was underhanded because he was afraid. As are you…anonymous.

      • RMk January 24, 2014 at 11:27 am #

        I disagree with “then have the committee made up of an even number of gay supportive and non-gay supportive members”. People are not voted in as to whether or not they like the same sex… they are voted in based on the qualifications they have to do the job and do so fairly. And yes, represent “the people” fairly (which includes EVEN straight people and those that support marriage as being between one man one woman (should never be labeled as non-gay supporters… that doesn’t make any sense)… all people have a voice).

  41. Janet Ward January 23, 2014 at 8:28 pm #

    Thank you for sharing part of your life and doing your part to pave the way! I remember when Nevada was voting on this, and Senator Kelvin Atkinson decided at that moment in time that he was going to tell everyone why he was in favor of same sex marriage. Peter, I don’t know if you are familiar with this story, but he did so with such style, simplicity, and passion! It will forever be one of my greatest memories, and to this day I consider him my friend even though we argue over sports! I have never had the pleasure of meeting Kelvin yet as we only communicate on facebook, we quickly formed a bond on that day when I sent him a friend request to write some words of support. I was one of the first, but suddenly people from all over started crowding his wall. My eyes were filled with tears as I read all of the comments, so I can only imagine what he must have been feeling! It was exciting to be a part of, but I want to see that for our State so badly.

    Since I have worked for government for 20 years and I am very familiar with the legislative process and what it really takes to get something into law, I will try and keep my comments on the government short! Maybe someone will read this and it can make a small difference. Many think they simply do not have a voice with government anymore! Maybe someone along the way wanted us to believe that or maybe we got exhausted from the process. After all, most voters have to continue on with their daily lives during legislative sessions and we are left to depend on the media, town hall meetings or online information. Even with signing up on the in.gov bill watch, there is no limit to the number of bills that can be authored and brought to a committee. Yes, it can be time consuming and overwhelming and that is just how “we the people” have lost our voice! Much easier if you are part of an association or group that is active and keeps you informed of the knowledge, but there is nothing more powerful than an elected official’s constituency having a presence during the process and/or vote. The process makes it difficult, but if you are passionate about something, take the time and educate yourself. Know who your State Representatives, and Senators are. The information is available online, just put in where you live and you will be given the contact information for you lawmakers. You can search by topic of bills and get emails of actions as it happens and see who is voting on what. Encourage your lawmakers to vote your way with passion and watch what they do. Make them accountable, they work for you!!! Your emails will always get an answer and don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and call them!

    Sorry Peter! LOL..

    This is so close to my heart!

    My nephew Jimmy who was more like a son for I help raise him passed October 16, 2013. Jimmy was just 30 years old and had got engaged to marry the love of his life on September 20th. Jimmy’s passing was very unexpected!!

    Let me tell you what I witnessed and why same sex marriage needs to become legal in IN. Jimmy and his fiancé Joe shared their lives together, everything! It was Joe who insisted he go to the ER that morning, Jimmy was so much like me that he would have kept right on going until he collapsed. I say that with a smile as tears run down my face because everyone said he was just like me, but I was his biggest influence growing up as he had told me.

    Jimmy didn’t love easily, nor did he jump around in relationship. When he met Joe, I knew his world was about to change! Of the many things that I taught my “baby boy” in life, the one that he displayed the most was not shown to him in the last 18 months of his life……unconditional love! That’s it, just unconditional love…….:(

    Many was displeased with Jimmy’s new found love for various reasons but mostly because he now had a life of his own. He was not at everyone’s beck and call. It was decided by many that Joe was not to be trusted or liked, simply because Joe was disrupting “their life as they knew it”.

    So, all of Jimmy’s “best friends”, family members and even his biological Mother played hard ball with him. Yes, they turned on me as well because I supported Jimmy’s decision. Well, I not only supported it but I embraced it!! I was so blessed to be a part of he and Joe’s life and to witness the love they shared. I love Joe, but had I not I would have looked through Jimmy’s eyes to love him. He learned that he was not loved unconditionally by all that he loved, and I had to witness his heart being broke. For the last 18 months of his life, the dismissed him as if he was yesterday’s newspaper! Jimmy stood proud with his love and would not give into the demands of those trying to control his life.

    Excuse me, back to the point. 😦

    In the ER, Jimmy was diagnosis was nothing we were prepared for on any level! I know my first concern when I found out they were admitting him was the long conflict with “family” and Joe being kicked out if Jimmy could not speak. I knew what his “family” what capable of and exactly what they would do. It didn’t matter what Jimmy wanted. Joe never left his side, and there were times Jimmy would wake up to overhear ugliness, and would still stand his ground! The very same ones that turned their backs on him and walked out of his life are the same ones that showed up for a show down in the hospital. Jimmy was sent via helicopter to Indianapolis on a Friday, and he passed on the following Wednesday. He spent that time in an induced coma in which he could not come out of. Joe not only was watching his world come to an end, but was being mimicked, taunted and threatened at his every move. I know they were not married yet, but it would not have made a difference if they were. It would not have been recognized by IN. I witnessed Jimmy waking up at one point before he was in the coma, he cried out for Joe to help him pee….it breaks my heart to write this, but they sat and smirked as Joe held the urinal and took care of the man he loved. Dear God, if this is not a testimony, what is?

    I washed him as a child, he came to me when he was sick, and we shared a bond that could never be broke, but I quickly walked out of the room when Jimmy spoke. Had it not been for Joe, of course I would have taken care of my precious one but he was a man now with a significant other. That was a very personal moment that even had they been married in another State, it would not have mattered here in IN, those would have been allowed to be intrusive and allow the last days of my precious one’s life to be robbed of dignity and privacy.

    Peter, I am so sorry that I wrote from the heart instead of the head! You have a pretty awesome life from what I read, and I hope IN can make the changes that are much needed!

    Sincerely,
    Janet

    • pamonn January 23, 2014 at 9:00 pm #

      Thank you so much for your amazing comments!

    • Jake Tanner January 24, 2014 at 12:39 am #

      Janet, your story about your dear sweet Jimmy and his precious Joe touched me in so many ways and on so many levels…I fear I may not be able to stop crying until the morning…but no worries as I believe that some tears help to ease our mind, cleanse our soul and eventually bring us a bit of peace…much love to you and those you love….

  42. Olivia GiaQuinta January 23, 2014 at 9:30 pm #

    What a great article! I have luckily grown up in a household that encouraged positive thinking and to love everyone for who they are. I’m sure Bosmas relationships are lacking so he takes the time to hurt others in order to take away any focus on his own ugly insecurities. They are bullies and it sickens me too that there was this HORRIBLE raping in Broadripple Indianapolis, but it’s the gays that are ruining our city? I really am so sad for your lack of support…how can I make a difference?! Do we march to the state house?! Sign petitions?! Whatever it is count me in! I’m so tired of hypocrites in this state and ready to spend our time fighting REAL crimes.

  43. andrea January 23, 2014 at 9:39 pm #

    I wish the both of you all the happiness in the world!

  44. Lainna January 23, 2014 at 9:53 pm #

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  45. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 10:17 pm #

    It always amazes me that people will use religious grounds to argue their point. For if they were truly religious and live a spiritual life would realize the first thing about religion is that you are excepting of all people not all of them except_________. I myself do not follow any particular religion but I think some people use it as a crutch when it suits them and they need to take a good long look in the mirror. Just my two cents.

  46. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 10:19 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your personal story. Your love for one another is beautiful and you treat each other with respect and appreciation. That is so much more than many couples do in whatever type of relationship. I can not imagine if someone was making the decision for me wether or not my husband and my marriage of 18 years was legal or not. You are brave to put your personal feelings out there for everyone to pick apart. I am a Christian and believe in all my heart that Jesus loves you and your partner. You are walking in his path of love and kindness. Thank God for all committed couples – however they partner. I promise you that I am raising my child to have an open mind and heart. Here is to the next generation being wiser.

  47. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 10:35 pm #

    I don’t agree with gay marriage personally, but I do believe that god is love and he loves everyone, and that’s what we are all to do! As a Christian I would like to apologize for all of the hate coming from other Christians! It’s not any of our place to judge anyone else, that is Gods job. When it comes time for judgement we will all be judged for our sins and all of us have them, no one sin is bigger then any other. This will or will not make it out of the state house if it does it will be upto the people of Indaina to vote on. I do think you should have rights just like everyone should have rights, but the thing about rights is where do your start and mine end? I have many friends that are gay, it doesn’t effect our relationship, I love them just like I love my strait friends. But I would caution you all not to be hating the people that don’t agree with you, it their right to disagree with you:( I hope God blesses you Peter and your husband.

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  1. HEYYYY BROTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR by naptown - Page 2 - TribalWar Forums - January 23, 2014

    […] Dear Annie, This is How Indiana***8217;s Gay Marriage Ban Will Affect Me | peterisms Quote: […]

  2. “Welcome to Indiana but not if you’re Gay”; HJR-3 Passes | Angry (American) Birds - January 23, 2014

    […] the most degrading and discriminating thing that has ever happened in my life.” Written in a blog-entitled: “Dear Annie, this is how Indiana’s Gay Marriage Ban will Affect […]

  3. A 7 Year Old Supports Gay Marriage in Indiana; Our Gift Today | peterisms - January 23, 2014

    […] many of you know by now, yesterday I wrote a piece called Dear Annie, This is How Indian’s Gay Marriage Ban Will Affect Me.  I woke up, expected to receive 30-40 views.  The last time we looked, it had passed the 200,000 […]

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