I’m a list maker, although I rarely, if ever, complete all of the things on my lists. I make daily lists of the things I want to accomplish throughout the day. I also make weekly lists as well as specific lists for home repairs, Christmas shopping, New Years resolutions, books to read, television shows to catch up on, movies to watch, etc. I’m so distracted from moment to moment that my lists perform as a neurological medication to help me complete my tasks, otherwise, I’m constantly driven to distraction.
It was almost a year ago that one of my lists drove me into a state of complete craziness. I had written down the normal duties of laundry, make bed, see clients, crossword, etc, when I began tearing up the paper realizing I would never be able to complete all of these tasks in one day. I blamed it on the list and decided then and there that I would never make another list. It was only hours later, talking with my best friend, that I realized I had lost any spiritual ground in my life and didn’t have a daily foundation for living. Let me be very clear; I am not talking about a religious foundation but a spiritual foundation, which today I call eternal grace.
In the last year, I’ve changed much of my life. I don’t do things I don’t want to do anymore. I read more, watch more television and movies, read about topics I know nothing about, play games, make new friends, enjoy new foods and try to live under a new way of life. For me, this last year has been a renaissance of sorts, liberating and refreshing. I think some people don’t understand me or think that I don’t like them anymore, which isn’t true, I just needed a break. I needed to find my eternal grace.
It was only earlier today, sitting at our favorite Sunday brunch spot where they know us by name, while drinking the freshest orange juice and eating the most delicious chicken salad sandwich, chatting with Alex about our future and watching the snow softly fall outside, that I was truly in the moment and realized that I had found some eternal grace. I wasn’t hurried and I had nowhere to go. I just was. And it was beautiful.
More and more of my days are like these Sundays. I may even stop making lists all together, but probably not. And although I love big, fast cities like Vegas and Miami, I entertain the idea of living on a farm and spending my days walking or reading. I think for me, there has to be a perfect balance between the two. For me, that is my eternal grace.
May you find yours…