“Hold your breath…make a wish…count to three…
Come with me, and you’ll be, in a world of Pure Imagination…”
I have always loved the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory…the original! I can remember being a little kid and going to this candy store called The Sweet Tooth with my mom. She would let me pick out whatever I wanted, which usually consisted of one of those enormous, circular lollipops that no one can possibly consume. She would just stand at the register, smiling, while chewing on her favorite caramels. Sometimes we’d stay up late at night and watch the movie together, eating candy side by side, like two little kids.
My mother always gave me that…she never grew up. Although fear and reality gripped her daily as she physically grew older, she always seemed to be able to enjoy the smallest, most simple details about life: washing our hair in the rain, walks in the snow covered woods, eating graham crackers and white frosting for after school snacks and always, always staying up late.
She died five years ago. I think, looking back, it was finally the end of my childhood…at least I thought. During that time, I started a blog called Suicide Birds and Seahorses. The contents are still some of my favorite writing I have ever written even though the blog has sat dusty and dormant for years. The blog was based around a dream I had where I found myself chasing a seahorse with a red felt hat down a hole into the ground, chasing after my mother into the depths of the ocean while she searched for the Chimes of Freedom(yes, that is most definitely a Bob Dylan reference). It’s a funny business this writing stuff. It seems to serve a purpose, some cathartic need deep within the recesses of our mental swing sets and sandboxes, and when the purpose is served, well, the writing is complete. Thus was the case with Suicide Birds and Seahorses upon the time I met my husband Alex. Love is a funny thing like that!
Several months later, my cousin Caroline asked me if I was still writing. Through the years, at any given time I am usually working, seriously and sincerely, on one of probably 15 different novels. This is no joke! I am a writer and writers write…but this writer naps so not much ever gets completed. Currently I have developed lives for over fifty different characters who are running rampant in some other world incapable of moving forward. Anyway, my cousin suggested I should start a blog for my work as I was psychotherapist in private practice. Yes! That was the perfect idea! And from that idea was born my blog Thoughts From the Couch, which I’m sure many, well maybe really only a few, are aware and well versed. It actually started out as an advice column but after awhile turned into daily(who am I kidding…monthly maybe) anecdotes about my life, always ending with some wisdom from my mother “Because we’re on borrowed time as it is!”
But that too ran it’s course and found it’s purpose I suppose. I’m not really sure, all I know is that it no longer interested me and I found myself napping for longer and longer and not accomplishing anything I wanted in my life. I found myself moving from being a therapist to a life coach to part time dreamer, wishing I was publishing my book and creating characters with funny twitches and a taste for dark coffee and red licorice. Yes, Thoughts From the Couch was dead…It had served it’s purpose by helping me to grieve my mother’s death(although I’ll never take it down and my whole sobriety story exists within the binary codes or digits or whatever of those pages.)
Something happened guys, and I”m not really sure what it was. One morning I was staring down at my list of the day and I completely lost it. I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly vacuum, change the sheets, shower and see a few clients all in time to make it home before my nap. And this had become my life. I immediately called my best friend and asked her to take me to an AA meeting, the only source of refuge I know having been sober for over 18 years. That night we went and for the past two months I’ve gone to several meetings a day, meeting new people and having a completely new perspective on life.
But that wasn’t all…something bigger happened. I heard my mom whispering in my ear “YOU are on borrowed time!” and I knew she was right. It was time to make some drastic changes. I needed to refocus my dreams and go after those things I always wanted to have in my life and make them work. I wanted to rid the negativity in my life and make lasting friendships with people who seemed excited when I was around and with whom I had more meaningful conversations. I needed to once and for all rid the baggage and move on. I had so much to live for! Life is truly beautiful.
Don’t get me wrong…I love my naps and I’ll always be found curled up in my sheets with a fan blowing on high because I believe naps are good for the soul, but I want to live that bohemian life I had when I was 16, reading great novels, creating artistically, trying new stuff, loving loud and dancing fast! I miss those days.
My mother gave me that…she never grew up. And this is for her…a new chapter! Welcome to my new blog. May your life be filled with all that you dream! This is the renaissance of my childhood. Welcome home Peter!
And if you’re wondering what this “new chapter” blog will be about, I”m not really sure. Peterisms refers to the ridiculous bullshit that goes around and around in my head, so you’ll probably find a lot of that, as well as songs I love, books I’m reading, movies and craziness like that. Hell…you might even find a picture of me at a pottery wheel…but I doubt it. I need accountability to stop all of the bullshit and get back to who I love the most. And that is what this is all about…me.
Check back in with me daily for all of my changes that are about to happen! I don’t have a tag line yet, but that will come when it sings to me in the starlit night!