Dear Annie, This is How Indiana’s Gay Marriage Ban Will Affect Me

22 Jan

0279

Dear Annie,

While trying to fall asleep tonight, my husband Alex already fast asleep next to me, our dog at our feet, I scanned my feed on Facebook.  After reading several news updates about the 4-5 fatal shootings today in Indianapolis, I found post after post about how Indiana House Speaker Brian Bosma, in a last ditch effort to save his agenda, moved the proposed ban to another committee, where it will be heard on Wednesday.  Interestingly enough, you sent me a message earlier in the day stating, “Peter, I need your help!  I am on the list to possibly testify in front of a house committee for HJR-3.  They haven’t picked me yet, but they are going to ask about any stories I know of people who are married or what not…stories of discrimination or loss they may feel.  I was just wondering if you have anything you want to tell me.”  Well, Annie, since you asked, and I’m happy that you did, this is how I feel.

Before starting, let me explain a typical day in my life.  My husband Alex wakes up and takes the dogs out before leaving for work.  He always wakes me up and kisses me goodbye.  This is something we started long ago, always kissing as we say goodbye, because we never know if it will be the last time we see each other.  We don’t have the same luxuries as some couples.  He goes to work and I usually go back to sleep for a few hours.  I get up, clean the kitchen and get ready for work.  Alex and I run a business together, outside of our “normal” jobs, so by the time I wake up, he has usually already emailed me or texted me several tasks needing completion.  After doing these things, I leave for work, always stopping by Starbucks on the way.  The barista I usually see at Starbucks typically asks me “how are you guys”.  I go to work and meet with my clients.  In discussing relationship problems, I share similar issues Alex and I have had and how we have worked through these relationship issues.  None of my clients have any difficulty comparing their heterosexual marriages to the same details of my marriage.  It is all the same. After work, I call Alex and we either meet for dinner or I attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, having been sober for 19 years.  Sometimes, like tonight, he goes to his mother’s house for dinner and I go out to eat with friends.  Sometimes we go see a movie or catch up on our television shows. Most nights at home are the same; we get ready for bed, turn on the fan and humidifier, set the alarms and show each other funny things we find on our phones, forever addicted to social media.  Tonight we discussed an upcoming trip to Miami and Alex’s haircut.  We discussed what he had for dinner and planned a date for this weekend.  He gave me a kiss goodnight and he turned off his light  This is a typical day in our lives Monday through Friday.

You ask in what ways do I feel I am being discriminated against or in what ways do I feel loss.  When you compare my day to any other husband or wife in the state of Indiana, I would say I don’t deal with much daily discrimination for being gay, other than the random faggot comment at the gas station.  But it sure does feel different when you ask me how I feel about 13 committee members making a decision for my life who have never even met me.  It feels a little bit like a jury vote on a murder trial and I didn’t even commit a crime.  I’m not going to sit and discuss politics and the process of election because that’s not what you asked.  You asked me how I feel discriminated against.

Well Annie, it amazes me that the barista at Starbucks has more courtesy than most of the people sitting on these committees to actually ask me how “we’re” doing.  It amazes me that after 19 years, clean and sober, positively contributing to the community of Indianapolis and as an addictions counselor having helped save the lives of the children of several prominent families in Indianapolis, that I am treated less than some 18 year old, meth addicted, girl who has addicted children and lives off of financial assistance, but I am a poorer role model to the community because I want to marry the “person” I love.  She has the legal right to get married, but I do not.  That’s pretty degrading.  That doesn’t sound like I’m wanted very much in the state of Indiana, does it?

How does it feel? While I’m reading this article about this person Bosma, who I don’t even know, who’s making decision about MY life, it feels like I’m hundreds and hundreds of miles away and I have no affect on the outcome.  Do you know why we kiss before we say goodbye?  Because we know that if we’re hospitalized we don’t have visiting rights unless our families allow it.  We don’t have funeral rights or financial rights.

We have no rights as a couple.

None.

And the really sad part is that all I want to do, is protect the person I love the most.  After all, isn’t that what love is all about?  I just want to grow old with the person I love and know that we can protect each other and our home for the rest of our lives.  But apparently, that’s terrifying to some of these people.

Do you realize that we can’t get a family gym membership together.  Or both be family members at most animal hospitals for our pets.  We don’t file taxes together and we can’t be on the same mortgage except as co-borrowers.  We can’t travel together as family members.  We can’t build credit together as a couple.  We can’t share a last name unless we go through rigorous legal action.  These are just a few examples, but to us, they make a difference.

Interestingly enough, Crate & Barrel, Target and Macy’s had no problem allowing us to register for our wedding.

And as far as this committee hearing, well, they’re going to do what they want anyway, right? Reading comments from me about how I love my husband and that they should respect my feelings  isn’t going to change anything.  But the times they are a’ changin, and they can either change with them or become obsolete. They might possibly be signing their resignations without even realizing it.

I haven’t met these people.  And I don’t care to meet these people.  I don’t want to know their politics and I don’t want to know their religion.  Quite frankly, I don’t want to know anyone who will look back on their life and have one of their proudest, resounding moments being their passing a ban to keep a loving couple apart.  That’s not discrimination; that’s sick.  And why are we more concerned with stopping the marriage of two men or two women than preventing the plethora of daily shootings in our state? What is wrong with this picture. 

We were married August 25th, 2011.  After getting married, we got a lot of flack from people in the gay community that we weren’t willing to wait for a state ruling on same-sex marriage.  This is exactly why we refused to wait.  Because, to us, anyone can have a wedding, but not everyone can have a marriage.

We have a marriage. 

Of all of the times in my entire life that I have been called names, beaten and degraded, and there are have been thousands,  justifying my right for marriage is the most degrading and discriminating thing that has ever happened in my life. The state of Indiana should be ashamed for not being part of the upward movement in our country.  This is a proud moment for not only the United States, but the world.  Indiana can be with it, or against it.

When I was younger, and called derogatory names, my mother would tell me, “When you walk down the street, hold your head up high and refuse to be a victim of their oppression”. Today I hold my head up high.  And so, after all, I haven’t lost anything.  It is the State of Indiana that will have lost.  Time will roll on and gay marriage will be accepted in every state in this nation; of that I am sure.  Any historian will tell you that history repeats itself and we are on the precipice of one of the biggest civil and human rights moments in history.  What have we learned from our past? The question is simply do you want to drive against the grain or float with the river.

I think I’ll choose to hang out on the raft with my husband.

Shalom,

Peter

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290 Responses to “Dear Annie, This is How Indiana’s Gay Marriage Ban Will Affect Me”

  1. Jenni January 23, 2014 at 11:14 pm #

    Maybe the state of Indiana needs to redefine the entire subject, as suggested above. Let the “Christians” keep their term of “marriage” and define it as a union between a man and woman. however, this “marriage” will only be recognized by the church; does not include rights to file taxes, inherit, co-parent or any of the other things that would be awarded to ALL people in a relationship, as this “marriage” is supposed to be defined by their exclusive god. adopt the term “civil union” or whatever suits everyone and require that legal (excluding all religious input) commitment in order to have the “legal” rights that are currently awarded to “married” people; this would have to take place in a legal venue, rather than in a religious one. in order to have these benefits, it would be required by law that you have a non-religious service. that doesn’t stop you from having a religious ceremony, IF that’s what you want; but if you only want to have a “marriage”, that would only be recognized by the church, not the legal system. this would preserve the religious stance and they can continue to follow their bible and everyone, involved in church or not, would have the right to get benefits and be recognized without the religious implications that are generally forced on people today. the legal decisions and laws should not be defined by religion…isn’t there supposed to be separation of church and state?? well, Indiana, prove it.

    • Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 11:53 pm #

      Not everyone in Indiana is a bigot, for your information. Just most of them. XD

    • Devin January 24, 2014 at 10:14 am #

      Jenni,
      You hit the nail on the head. Separation of church and state should mean that the “church” doesn’t get to define what the “state” will legislate. Yet, proponents of HJR3 spoke of “God given” rights and quoted Genesis. Well, that’s all well and good for Christians (and not even all Christians because the amazing Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Indianapolis spoke against HJR3), but there are OTHER people in this state besides Christians.
      Peter,
      You are amazing, strong, and absolutely have the right perspective (not that you need me to tell you so, but I wanted to in order to show my support and be one more voice that is spoken to LIFT you up rather than tear you down for being exactly who you are).
      The one thing that gives me hope in this entire messed up process is knowing that the reason HJR3 is even out there and being debated is because people see the writing on the wall, that society is progressing forward and away from restricted definitions of marriage and family. And, this is an effort to stop that forward motion. It may slow it down, but it won’t stop it.

      Namaste

      • anonymous March 21, 2014 at 9:45 am #

        no no no no no. Separation of Church and state means the “state” aka the federal government cannot favor 1 religion.

        however, I do agree with the first guy’s idea that we shouldn’t require preachers/ministers to marry homosexual couples because it does go against what they believe – and to take place inside the building where its practiced is just plain rude.

        Just being honest. It’s rude. I’m to the point now where I realize that this is going to happen, and the only voice any of us are going to truly have in this is when any law hits the voting booth.

        All we can do is do our part, vote according to what we believe, and realize that there are indeed consequences to our actions.

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 11:58 am #

      Christianity is not the only religion in the world that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman. There are many other religions that do not recognize homosexual marriages…somebody needs to thoroughly research religious practices in other parts of the world before they make a blanket statement about Christianity.

      • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 5:02 pm #

        true

      • Ted January 24, 2014 at 5:13 pm #

        Anonymous,
        What you say is true, but they are not the ones driving the bus in Indiana. The point is no religion should be driving our civil laws. One’s religion should drive the life of the individual and not the neighbor’s.

    • Jim Schroeder January 24, 2014 at 6:56 pm #

      Jenni: Exactly! I saw a bumper sticker in Austin a few years ago. “Illegalize Marriage” to me meant that marriage is a religious institution, not a legal license. The marriage contract is the easiest to enter and the hardest to leave. It requires no thought, i.e. Vegas, but has more ramifications than any other contract ever devised by lawyers. You are totally correct. Those people that are all for this state ammendment should live in a state that “illegalizes” marriage and require all heterosexual couples to form a corporation, file for co-borrowing, file wills, living wills, power of attorney, visitation rights, etc. All of Indiana would think differently if they had to go through all of these hassles.
      And, this reply comes from an evangelical Christian but a very strong believer of Separation of church and state

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 10:33 pm #

      I like you. Your better.

    • Jake Tanner January 25, 2014 at 12:14 pm #

      Jenni, if that’s not the most brilliant suggestion I’ve ever heard!!! The Christians are so determined that they own all rights to the term “marriage”, let them have it but limit its legal meaning! YOU are one bright cookie! Much love and admiration!!

    • Karen Moussou January 25, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

      Perfect Jenni. You saved me a lot of typing because I was going to say the same thing. I have several European friends that have done just that. They are required to have a civil ceremony and can then opt for a religious ceremony if it suits them. I’ve always felt this would serve as an immediate end to the debate. There are open and affirming Christian denominations that would be happy to perform gay marriages. Let those who want nothing to do with it continue in their isolation as the rest of the world passes them by.

    • Danny January 26, 2014 at 2:59 am #

      I have thought this for a while, but have not seen too many who think this way.

      The biggest difference I would have is that I would still allow the religious marriage to be combined with the legal union.

      As much as I advocate the separation of church and state, allowing the minister to sign the legal document does not bother me so long as those who do have only a civil procedure have the same rights afforded those who choose the religious route.

      For full disclosure, I had a traditional wedding in a church. But if George and Billy down the street want to file a joint tax return, that has no effect on my marriage. Live and let live.

  2. Anonymous January 23, 2014 at 11:29 pm #

    I think you are a sexy beast ;-) Some great comments here, some exhausting. Everyone has a favorite quote (and an asshole)…so I guess we are all even. Just not equal. Probably the best point of debate in this feed is a question…”when did you choose”? It applies to every belief we hold so dear. Had I a choice, I would have had blonde hair and blue eyes. A better nose would have been on the list too. Oh, and I would have chosen to be straight.
    I went to a “christian” college in Indiana for 4 years instead of a cheaper state school because I thought I would give jesus a good long stretch to make me different. No lightening bolts. No miracle. Loads of student loans.
    Indiana makes me sad right now…mostly because I now have the life once unimaginable and know that this latest attack on basic human dignity (and sensibility) launched from the State House will further the misery of another Hoosier boy who knew from birth that he was not like the others; his hair wasn’t blonde and his eyes the wrong color. And he was different.

  3. Cheryl January 23, 2014 at 11:39 pm #

    I don’t have much to say other than I know alot of gay people. Some friends some family most I love dearly. I guess I just want to say thank you for being you and I hope the best for you And your husband♥

  4. Beth January 24, 2014 at 12:09 am #

    I am a mother of a beautiful daughter and her “PARTNER” . I HATE that term. My husband and I are Christians and belong to a church. I am really struggling with my church of their belief on same sex couples and same sex marriage. They tell me how much they love our daughter but we need to pray for God’s will. They quote all of the Bible scriptures which say our daughter is going to HELL. I quote back to them that I must also be going to HELL because the Bible also says we should not gossip, or pass judgment on others.. So according to my church, my daughter and I are going to go to HELL together! I guess I’ll be seeing all of my friends and church members in HELL right along with us.

    • Michelle Titus Cruz January 24, 2014 at 12:43 am #

      This is odd as my church accepts gay members…I guess if your having problems with your church St. Marks Catholic Church welcomes all!! We judge NO ONE at our church! Our last Prist use to tell us stories about when he was an acholohoic so we accept all! I worked side by side with 2 lesbian women in the Navy for 5 years before the “don’t ask don’t tell” was lift and these women would have died for me! I also have 2 lesbian cousins in which I love dearly! God Bless, good luck and some day this will all be a part of history and no longer a debate!

    • Warren Eckels January 24, 2014 at 2:04 am #

      There are churches where you, your husband, your daughter and her wife would be welcomed with open arms, and where you will be challenged to grow in the knowledge and love of God. Consider going there instead.

    • Kathryn Griffith January 24, 2014 at 2:59 am #

      I too am a Christian which having so many unanswered questions about scriptures in the Bible and also knowing the Lord makes it clear of what will keep you from having eternal life..which is continuing of His spoken sins He does not like and not asking for forgiveness …but I do know that we are to love one another always and pray for guidance, wisdom and understanding of the Lord’s word, knowing not all will be answered or understood…so I will continue to pray for all to have discernment of The Lord’s words who truly studies them, for that understanding for our salvation before He reveals himself to all us for judgement on that glorious day. We can not, should not, or allow ourselves (as His church), to judge anyone…HE is the only judge for each of us that day…so just pray for all who have spiritual blindness…that they will allow their hearts to receive the Lord’s divine Holy Spirit to show them the truth!! God blesses us always!!

  5. Patty Moore January 24, 2014 at 12:46 am #

    I am a straight widow and I pray that this couple has a long long life together. I do believe that one day gay marriages will be totally legal in the state of Indiana. I think it is so unfair to tell anyone that they can not love a member of the same sex and marry that person. From someone that just lost her husband and has no more tomorrows with him I can only say, with tears in my eyes, cherish every momet that you have with the one you love because you will never know if there will be any more tomorrows.I’ll pray that the governement will put their prejudice and ignorance away and do what’s best for all of us. Let any of us, gay or straight, have the right to marry whomever we love and cherish that love.

    • Anonymous January 25, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

      That is exactly how I feel! I miss my husband greatly, but I’m glad that I got to take care of him and make decisions, etc. as he was dying. I hate the idea that some couples cannot marry and have those same rights. I also hate that my home state legislators have chosen to make obstacles instead of supporting all loving couples and families.

  6. Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 2:02 am #

    Thanks for sharing!

  7. Wicked_Les January 24, 2014 at 3:18 am #

    What a lovely and well written account of your daily life, Peter.

    I am so fortunate to have spent my first 22 years growing up in Northern California. We had a tight knit neighborhood, throwing parties and BBQ’s for any and every reason. As a 7 year-old child, we had a couple living across the street that I just thought were the coolest people. They had a big screen tv way before it was the “norm”, always had a open door for whomever wanted to stop by and spoiled me & the other kids like crazy. To us it didn’t matter that this couple was a boy & a boy. What matter to our parents and friends was their kindness and giving hearts. Knowing this couple taught me a very fine lesson at an early age, love is love, no matter who is giving it.

    At 42, I look back at my upbringing and think how awesome our parents were in a time where being liberal was not the norm. I am working hard on passing these same values onto my own children.

    By no means am I a religious person (nor a political one), but I believe in the values of respecting one another. A person being homosexual is no reason to treat them with any less repect, and limiting their right legally in anyway because they choose to love who they love is just morally wrong. Just as wrong as judging someone by their color or religious beliefs.

    So I wish you, Peter, and your husband a long and happy MARRIAGE. Because that is truly what you have. It’s not civil union, or whatever the socially accetable term may be, but a marriage made of love.

    • pamonn January 24, 2014 at 4:06 am #

      Love this! Thanks for sharing! I especially loved the big screen tv part. It’s funny what we remember as kids.

  8. NightWish January 24, 2014 at 3:26 am #

    Tears are flowing! Beautifully written! I was raised Christian. And encouraged to hate gays. I refuse, what have they ever done to me? This is why I do not have a religion. How does gay men or women getting married have any sort of impact on my life at all? You aren’t doing anything wrong. I have two kids, and, they are being raised that love is love, and two consenting adults in love ; regardless of sex. Is acceptable. And normal. If my child is gay, transgender, whatever .. I’m totally find with that. Because being a BLGT.. Isn’t wrong! It’s being who you are! And if society is coming to that now, I’m scared . I’m really scared to see what sort of world my kids will grow up in.

  9. Theresa January 24, 2014 at 3:59 am #

    Reading through these hateful comments made me think we are back in the dark ages. You know what is so great about America?? We were founded on the freedom from one set of religious views. We were not built on the bible, we were built on the speration of church and state. Marriage is not a “scared union” anymore. Our divorce rate is ridiculous and the reasons for getting married (love aside) is based on tax breaks, insurance purposes or children being a factor, which to me isn’t scared it’s cheating the system for a while. Then the married couple divorce after so many years because they can’t keep the lie going any more or just can’t stand living together. Then one of them or both get married again and divorce again, it’s a vicious cycle. I would love someone to give me a reason not based on religion why two people of the same sex can’t get married, and don’t give me the bullshit line of “then we will have people wanting to marry their pets” or “an adult wants to marry a child” did you know that people in America have married their pets? Why? Because we live in a country that you can do whatever the hell you want to. And as far as an adult marrying a child, I do believe that not so long ago parents had arranged marriages for their daughters who were 12-16 marry a man who was over 18, had a job and could support her. There is ABSOLUTLY no good reason you can give me as to why two people in love can’t get married.

    Thank you Peter for this post and I really hope this will open the eyes of some people who are blinded by ignorance!

    PS. I was going through a book the other day and found a quote I had written down. I don’t remember who said it but it goes like this: “Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.”

  10. John January 24, 2014 at 4:29 am #

    Down to brass tacks. Christians have what is called the 7 sacraments, “The Latin word sacramentum means “a sign of the sacred.” The seven sacraments are ceremonies that point to what is sacred, significant and important for Christians” (americancatholic.org) with marriage being one of them. What you are effectively asking is that they accept your bond/union to be termed “marriage” thus allowing into the definition of a sacred act, an act they deem unholy. You’re asking for pure contradiction of beliefs! That’s like asking you to call the people in the house down the street who traffic and beat children a family. It couldn’t be farther from that definition!
    By all means love each other and get a bond/union to legally be seen as a couple. Sure there will still be the set in stone opposers, but in my opinion the movement will encounter less resistance by doing so. I have seen both sides as I grew up Christian and have multiple gay family members (some gatherings can be a real treat thanks to this issue)

    • Ted Laun January 24, 2014 at 9:47 am #

      Why don’t some Christians get that gay folks are not asking to be considered married in the church, they are asking to be legally married as far as the state is concerned? This is not a difficult concept.

    • Melissa January 24, 2014 at 2:15 pm #

      “Marriage” is not only a religious term, but a legal term as well. When filing taxes, I file as Married Filing Jointly. MARRIED – not “bonded” or “unioned”. People who are joined by a Justice of the Peace are married, even if it is a civil ceremony. This is not about religion. It’s about LEGALITY. We have separation of church and state in this country. If you feel that your religion dictates that a marriage should be between a man and a woman, then don’t marry a man (as I assume you are also a man). But please refrain from forcing your religion on the rest of the population. What is “right” to some, isn’t necessarily “right” to all.

    • Angie January 24, 2014 at 3:46 pm #

      Wait, what?! Are you seriously comparing how some Christian view homosexuality to how people view child abuse?!

    • Kdog January 24, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

      John,

      Then by your comments, Christians who follow the sacraments should be equally offended by Atheists who get “married” and those that have civil marriages, which is not following any kind of sacrement. But nobody is speaking out about Atheists getting married so that is why we feel we are being discriminated against. We are not trying to change the established traditions of churches. We are trying to obtain equal rights under the law. It has nothing to do with religion.

  11. Amy Jordan January 24, 2014 at 8:55 am #

    I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I feel that SCOTUS will HAVE to rule on the entire issue soon (what with all of the states that have gay marriage bans, especially in their constitutions) and that gays will have to be elevated to “protected class”, finally. I hope your wait isn’t long.

  12. Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 11:05 am #

    Here’s a thought, straight or gay, getting married should have NOTHING to do with the benefits of it. So fuck off if you just want all the gimme gimmes of marriage and claim that just because you can’t get them that it is unfair. Life isn’t fair. Get over it.

    • Jer January 25, 2014 at 12:47 am #

      The things he is listing as not being able to do are rights every couple willing to commit to each other should have, no matter their sexual orientation.

      Are you married? If your spouse was in the hospital, how would you feel if you were told you couldn’t visit them, or make medical decisions if they were unable to? Being able to be classed as a “family” is something that is taken for granted by many people, but I bet you’d be pretty upset if those things you do every day were suddenly taken away.

      When I learned about religion, I was taught love and acceptance. Bigotry and judgement from the vocal few makes everyone else look bad. Gay marriage being allowed does not necessarily mean that it’s mandatory, or that opposite-sex couples will suddenly become unmarried. Fifty years from now, our grandchildren will look at this controversy with the same horror and unease as we look at separate schools and water fountains.

  13. Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 11:31 am #

    It has nothing at all to do with what I think but what God’s word says about it. I do not hate nor does God hate homosexuals but just like any other SIN when we accept Christ we make a 180 turn and begin walking that narrow path. Are we perfect? No, and never will be on this earth, but process ever changing into what God wants us to be. We DENY ourselves/fleshly desires

  14. Tammy January 24, 2014 at 11:43 am #

    It has nothing at all to do with what I think but what God’s word says about it. I do not hate nor does God hate homosexuals but just like any other SIN when we accept Christ we make a 180 turn and begin walking that narrow path. Are we perfect? No, and never will be on this earth, but process ever changing into what God wants us to be. We DENY ourselves/fleshly desires. The Bible explains perfectly about all this. I hear so many people say that was in the old testament but Jesus even mentioned several times about Sodom. Anyway I am just trying to witness like I am supposed to.

  15. Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 1:14 pm #

    If you actually study the Bible and understand it in context for the history book that it is, you will see that homosexuality has NOTHING to do with it. Understand that the terms in the book are decided upon by a COMMITTEE -changing words are are outdated to update them with something modern people understand. Its not always accurate. Look into if it you don’t believe me. I am a devoted Christian and a lesbian who is happily married to her wife. Keep your religious views (their just your views) out of my life and out of the laws. Separate but equal by giving it a term Civil Unions is still discrimination. We demand equal and fair treatment as we are equal citizens of the State of Indiana and should have no less protections!

  16. Doodle's mama January 24, 2014 at 1:27 pm #

    I have never understood why everyone gets so upset over same-sex marriage. No one is asking a religion to marry a same-sex couple in their church. Nothing would change for them by allowing a same-sex couple to have their marriage recognized by the state. I am a married, straight, mother of one, who wants to raise her child in a world that can accept people as they are. The world is a tough enough place without making it more difficult by alienating an entire segment of the popopulation.

    • Anonymous January 26, 2014 at 6:41 pm #

      Actually, there is a law that if a couple can come together and marry in a church, the pastor cannot deny them. So that’s why some pastors that think that the Bible says that gay marriage is wrong, will habe to file a huge amount of documents to be able not to marry. You need to learn your facts then get back to me.

  17. Kim January 24, 2014 at 1:47 pm #

    I grew up in Indiana and, let’s face it..the population isn’t exactly educated or accepting of different races/sexual orientations/religions (nor do they care to be). Indiana and the rest of the Midwest is going to keep declining while the coasts (and Europe) keep progressing. Indiana is going to seem like the South did pre-1865 in 10 or so years. I’m so happy to have moved out of there.

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 11:30 pm #

      Yup,,, left and never going back

  18. upcloseanduncomfortable January 24, 2014 at 2:13 pm #

    I am from Evansville, Indiana, and I want you to know that I have been working to have no on the ammendment overturned for SEVERAL years in Kentucky!

    If this bill gets passed it could be REALLY bad for Indiana gay couples!

    I saw on the news how Indiana law makers are being so laze fare about it!

    You have my FULL support! This article was VERY heartbreaking!

  19. Elmer G. Young January 24, 2014 at 4:30 pm #

    Homosexual is very serious spreading everywhere in America because we are weak people! We need to stand up and say enough that pervert people walking over us!!!! We must think of our children’s future… If homosexuals continuing, then we will be lost forever because AIDS killing millions, family tree is a mess, and many reasons. Those homosexual people wanted to feeling “sex” love but they never care about whats wrong! I will be continuing to fight and protecting my family at all cost even blood! Crusades are rising and growing in our Country to fight against Islam, homosexuals, and evils.

    • dijenmstrd January 24, 2014 at 7:15 pm #

      Elmer, you have just proven upcloseanduncomfortable’s point. for your enlightenment, the fastest growing population of HIV+ infections is the aged 20-40 HETEROSEXUAL group (that’s straight people). homosexuality doesn’t “spread” and neither does HIV if a person is educated on how to prevent it and takes precautions.

    • Anonymous January 26, 2014 at 10:18 pm #

      Could you please translate your comment into English? I cannot understand the gibberish.

  20. Dawn January 24, 2014 at 5:21 pm #

    I pray – yes, pray – that everyone will be able to marry the person that they love. I have, and will continue, to vote for people who know that love is love. Thanks for sharing your story. And please know not all Christians think you and your husband’s love is wrong or sinful! I personally always find it beautiful when a person finds his or her soul mate.

  21. doug January 24, 2014 at 6:03 pm #

    Your comments are understood. Have you considered how many will be affdcted by a change in the law because you have made a life choice out of the ordinary and expect others to change forand to support you. Should not happen.

    • Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 10:40 pm #

      How will you be affdcted, doug?

  22. Patricia Case January 24, 2014 at 8:58 pm #

    Jewish Community Center in Indy has a great welcome to people like us. Guess they learned something from the oppression they experienced.

  23. Tam January 24, 2014 at 9:08 pm #

    A beautifully written letter, it saddens me to think that you had to write it to explain the love you share with your partner. As a Christian I will pray for the day that we are all free to love one another, as that is the greatest commandment of all – love one another as Jesus loves us. Shame on those people who condem in the name of Christianty.

  24. Adam January 25, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

    Beautifully inspired my friend! These types of things will never get better for us if strong, organized and inspired people like you do not stand up and express how they feel about the injustices! Thank you for being a voice for so many others who have none. I am inspired by how many people your post has reached. It is a testament to how wonderful and true your written word are. For you, and me, I wish change where you and your partner have all the rights and privileges in this world that you deserve. I think change is coming quickly now. Best Wishes!

  25. Anonymous January 25, 2014 at 1:46 pm #

    When asked why polygamy should be banned and gay marriage not, gays will say it’s because marriage is between two people, not three or more. Then when someone says that marriage is between a man and a woman, the gay will say it’s about love, not gender.
    But that contradicts the polygamy reason, because why can’t a guy love two women?
    People say that’s impossible, that you can only love 1 person.
    By the same token, it can be said that a man can only love a woman.
    Nobody is looking at the situation logically, it’s all assertions and telling other people to shut up.
    Bottom line, governments should not be issuing marriage licenses to ANYONE. Personal relationships should be, yeah, personal, not sanctioned by the government. Marriage or any other forms of relationship should not have a legal standing, and for the sake of taxes and other things, find another way. Injecting ‘love’ into law never works, because love can’t be tested for or measured.
    But so long as there is a legal marriage, let’s base it on something definable. Love isn’t, so that’s out. What’s left? Reproduction.
    Reproduction occurs between 1 man and 1 woman. Not a man and two women, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman.
    So let’s keep with the biological reason and suspend the rest of this nonsense.

  26. Anonymous January 25, 2014 at 1:48 pm #

    When asked why polygamy should be banned and gay marriage not, gays will say it’s because marriage is between two people, not three or more. Then when someone says that marriage is between a man and a woman, the gay will say it’s about love, not gender.
    But that contradicts the polygamy reason, because why can’t a guy love two women?
    People say that’s impossible, that you can only love 1 person.
    By the same token, it can be said that a man can only love a woman.
    Nobody is looking at the situation logically, it’s all assertions and telling other people to shut up.
    Bottom line, governments should not be issuing marriage licenses to ANYONE. Personal relationships should be, yeah, personal, not sanctioned by the government. Marriage or any other forms of relationship should not have a legal standing, and for the sake of taxes and other things, find another way. Injecting ‘love’ into law never works, because love can’t be tested for or measured.
    But so long as there is a legal marriage, let’s base it on something definable. Love isn’t, so that’s out. What’s left? Reproduction.
    Reproduction occurs between 1 man and 1 woman. Not a man and two women, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman.
    So let’s keep with the biological reason and suspend the rest of this nonsense.

  27. A January 25, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

    I have the equivalent of “white shame” towards slavery as a feeling towards this horrific event that is now history in our state. Who is anyone to judge another person in this way?! And to be proud that you have just denied your “neighbor” freedoms and rights based on your own distaste. I’m sorry that you have to endure this. They will be ashamed of themselves soon enough.

  28. Anonymous January 25, 2014 at 4:45 pm #

    Congratulations on your 19 years. I just hit 21 myself.

    You know, that’s one of the most subtle things I’ve picked up from AA. It’s the great equalizer. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich, poor, gay, straight, white, black, male, female, religious, non-religious, or any other artificial barrier we place between one another. Alcoholism can, and does, strike anyone. Oh, and you two look like such a cute couple.

    I’ll bet nobody can tell which of the above ‘categories’ I fit in.

    Much love:
    You don’t know me, but I am you, just as you are me.

    • pamonn January 25, 2014 at 5:48 pm #

      That last line is one of my favorites! xo

  29. pamonn January 25, 2014 at 6:17 pm #

    Thanks for all of the comments! Check out my follow-up post and video and please share it! Thanks a bunch! Keep the love flowing folks! http://peterisms.com/2014/01/25/how-will-gay-marriage-affect-you-mystoryoflove/

  30. Anonymous January 25, 2014 at 7:50 pm #

    The ramblings of a faggot

  31. Helen wean January 25, 2014 at 11:02 pm #

    Right is on your side and so are we
    Hang in there

  32. Anonymous January 26, 2014 at 4:40 pm #

    I am so on board with almost everything you said, except that part about the 18 year old. You made her into an “other.” This is why I left Indiana and have decided NOT to develop the land I own there into a business. The place isn’t worthy of my efforts to create income there. The conservative subtexts there are many and in some cases contradictory. The 18 year old girl/woman must have faced, unsuccessfully, many challenges. You are due all legal equality and common courtesy, just as is that disadvantaged woman who fell through the cracks early in her life, probably before she was 10 years old. That you are an addictions counselor is frightening. Yes, those children of upper class people you treat are fine, but someone who comes from a disadvantaged background is worthy of contempt. That is quite frankly one of the most sad inequities I have come across in quite some time.

  33. Bertie January 26, 2014 at 9:47 pm #

    You could always move…

  34. Jamie February 18, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    I haven’t read through all the comments, so I’m not sure if something like this has been said.

    I would just like to say that I am a Christian. I do believe the Bible teaches that homosexuality is a sin. I also believe the Bible teaches that I am to treat all people with kindness and love, regardless of whether or not they are in sin. I graduated with my bachelor’s in theatre and was surrounded by gay men and women. I believe that most of them knew that I did not agree with their lifestyle, but I hope and pray that none of them ever felt disrespected by me or as if I treated them unkindly. I guess I just wanted to say, it’s possible to disagree with someone’s lifestyle and still treat them decently and wish no harm to them. Maybe that is obvious and didn’t need to be said, but I feel that sometimes disagreeing automatically equals hate in the minds of some people and just wanted to add that.

    I hope this is taken in the spirit of the love in which it was written.

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